Upper Caste Modernity is modern, my modernity is offensive :) When their families are modern, they are cool, when my family is modern, we are anti-national :)
When they spoke in English, it was a skill, when I spoke in English it was because my family had no respect for culture (we speak in English at home).
When they proudly speak of their one ancestor who was the secretary to a British officer, its completely fair and fine. When I speak of my illustrious ancestors who were judges, education officers, who headed milk co-operatives, ladies who were everything from sports teachers, dietitians, doctors, teachers, professors, principals, I am “showing off”. When I made a family-tree of this illustrious family, even my own relatives were quasi-embarassed(is that a word? It is now). Thankfully, I was a teenager and it was attributed to my teenage exuberance. Is it my fault that my ancestors achieved so much despite being children and grand-children of fishermen and your janivara — wearing ancestors had only enough “merit” to become someone’s secretary? :)
When their moms “allow” them to stay single, its cool, when my mom literally never thinks of whether I am single or not, she’s a bad parent. She is judged, and then she judges herself based on that judgement, worriedly asking me if I think she is a bad parent, and I just say in the loudest voice possible — no you are not!
If I fight with my mom or try to convince her (usually about politics) I am bad, if they mock their parents on social media while hiding their lifestyle and opinions and pretending to be the “ideal child” IRL so they can stay for free at home, they are cool. Ayyo. And if I question why they would do this I get strange answers like “We are all forced to participate in capitalism”. Ok, but I didn’t know capitalism’s head office is your parents’ home and getting your mom to cook for you and remove your clothes from the washing machine was an essential aspect of the system.
And if(A BIG IF) they upend this model to the slightest on a rare rare occasion they get so much praise. I am just wowed by this… cause how is something that is so basic for me — that I don’t even bother talking about it, so revolutionary for them? I wonder if I am being petty….or am I totally out of touch?
I am going to be 34 years old soon, my mother has NEVER asked me my salary and has NEVER asked me to get married, she wants me to have love and romance in life and she laughed out of sheer disbelief at the only person who was foolish enough to bring a “proposal” for me.
It was a long time ago, but my mom still reminds me and laughs about that incident. That one time when she wasn’t polite cause she was caught off-guard and laughed at the total absurdity of a strange man offering himself in marriage to me.
I narrated this incident to a few colleagues, who at the time I thought were friends, and they gave me those queasy smiles, like they were not-so-secretly judging my mother and I.
Whatever we do is “Extra”, whatever they do is respectable. We don’t have limits and can’t control ourselves. Sorry, not sorry!
